That Four-Lettered Word

I never understood
the feeling that I get
whenever our eyes met
or when you smiled at me
without even realising that you were.

Was that love?

I don’t know how to explain it though.
I just know that living with anxiety
makes me feel tired
of the world at times
as I constantly want to
fix something or make something better
and I can’t cause I just don’t have the energy to
but you were the only one;
the only being that I didn’t
desired to fix,
that I didn’t desired to change.

I have never gotten tired of you,
I have never felt exasperated with you
and I have never wanted to get away –
far away from you.

Is that love?
I believe it is.
How else could you explain this feeling that I have –
where I have always wanted to change everything to suit me
but you, you were perfect to me just by existing.
You were beautiful to me
despite the chaos you bring into my world.

I love you so much –
It took me a while to understand that
and slightly longer to confess to you that.

Yet
I don’t understand though
why am I alone here,
so far away from you
despite everything we’ve been through
to get to this point.

Why are we no longer together?
Why are you in the arms of another?
And after all that,
why am I still loving you –
as if there will be no other?

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