Velvet Soft

I used to feel upset at being soft,

As my softness and apparent want

To show kindness

Were constantly abused and misused

By those who surrounded me.

 

And the pain, the scars

That their betrayal left

Often left me lying in a puddle

Of my own blood and tears –

To a point that everything

Felt as if it wasn’t worth it anymore.

 

Yet now …

 

I’ve stopped apologising

For being this way;

I’ve stopped feeling upset

And angry at myself for being weak –

For showing kindness

Even in moments of intense pain and agony

Was a kind of strength not many had.

And I should be proud

Or at least happy with the fact

That I’m very much a human

That’s capable of feeling so much

Even when there are times

when it does feel too much.

 

I’ve stopped feeling upset

And angry at myself

For loving someone who isn’t there,

For being kind,

For being taken advantage of

And end up being used – again

For I never had a reason to love –

Just like I never had a valid reason

To live this way.

 

I just want a kind of life

That would never make me wake up

In the middle of the night

Riddled with guilt and pain.

 

I just want a kind of life

That I can look back to someday

And believe that I’ve lived it

Just the way I wanted to.

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