Intimacy

Over the past few months, quite a number of friends have asked me to try dating sites – to meet new people and hopefully forget about an old love. Exasperated, I decided to sign up for one – hoping that being able to tell them that I have tried would get them off my case.

A simple bio and a picture of a heavily tattooed anime girl were what I had used for my profile – yet within a day of approval, I’ve received three separate chats requesting for my number. Well, I suppose that not many like to chat on the app itself since the app would store your data on its server. However, I was surprised when I kept getting offered sex – even a threesome at one point – since I never initiated a chat nor had actually participated with one for more than 5 mins. 

Online dating is indeed something I have never wanted to try and having done that, I now have no intention of trying further.

Overall my foray into this app lasted a mere 3 days but the amount of sex request that I received was insane (taking note that the fact that my bio was bogus, my profile pic was bogus and to top it off, it was a lesbian dating app)

Fucking is definitely overrated – intimacy is one hell of a tough thing to do but if done right, you’ll realise its power and regret missing it in your life; for sex is all about the release whereas intimacy is about the emotions and feelings that you bring and cause each other. I never could fathom why someone would want to hook up for sex – too much of effort for just a physical release. But then again, that’s just my opinion – I am against the hook-up/one-night stand culture after all.

While doing research for my writing, I came across a video of a couple of prostitutes speaking about their experiences and it was quite surprising to note that their highest paid service was intimacy. While this does not discount sex, this service involves the prostitutes treating their clients and behaving around them as if they’re on a date. The service is quite expensive as the prostitutes aren’t faking it as they would on the bed; they would actually try to be genuine and put themselves out there during those moments.

The conclusion that I manage to derive out of the whole research was that we seek intimacy, heck, we crave it but in a controlled environment, meaning that we’re in the driver’s seat.

And here is where people get it wrong.

Intimacy is an act between two people. It is a bit ridiculous to expect something that only caters to our wants as there’s also another party involved – surely the other party have their own needs/wants too.

Sometimes it’s best to take a step back and remember that everyone is wired differently and that we’re not going to like/love everything about them. We need to take a step back and remember the reason that made us fall in love with them want to be with them. We need to look at the bigger picture about compromise and the desire to pursue happiness – love especially involves loyalty, trust, understanding and patience as well.

Of course, if you’re not in search of a relationship, then by all means, continue your one-night stands, hook-up/break-up culture. I do hope though that you realise that such a lifestyle could only sustain you up to a certain point and after that, you’ll realise and regret the emptiness that you’re left with.

We humans crave companionship – we need each other – isn’t that what makes us special, different from other living things?

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