Furious with Anna for letting Iman take advantage of her, Samar dragged her out of Iman’s room and into hers. Rage was boiling in her, especially when she kept imagining the scene that she had just walked in upon.
“What’s wrong with you?” Samar exploded as soon as she dragged Anna into her room.
“I didn’t do anything…”
“You sure as hell got into a situation a moment ago. You were literally shaking in fear in her arms!”
“I didn’t expect her to suddenly kiss me! We were just talking and she just… I don’t know what got into her,” Anna sobbed.
“She kissed you?”
“Yes…no, she didn’t. She just brushed her lips against mine.”
“And you don’t consider that a kiss?” Samar asked incredulously.
“I don’t know! I don’t know, alright! What do you want from me? Why are you so angry at me?”
“I brought you here to save you from this kind of things on the street. I expected you to be able to at least take care of yourself in these four walls. I keep seeing you being pawed by someone here. How can you simply let someone touch you, regardless if they were women?”
Her sobs were slowly turning into a steady stream of tears. Letting herself go, she slowly slid onto the bed, tired with the emotional turmoil that was going on both on the inside and around her.
“I didn’t want to…allow her…to touch….She said that sex can be done…without love…without feeling and she was trying…prove her point.”
“And you let her? How can I trust you to take care of yourself after this?”
“I’m sorry; all I wanted was to know why she was doing this.”
“What difference does it make if you know?!? I don’t understand why you’re going and asking everyone about their story when you’re barely been here for a month! You’re neglecting what you’re supposed to do and sticking your nose into where you shouldn’t.”
“Because it bothers me…” Anna trailed.
“That you’re doing this.”
“What it has to do with you? That’s none of your concern!” Samar snapped.
Blinking back the tears, the hurt that came with that question, Anna tried to gather her thoughts, tried to find an excuse that would seem logical enough to be believed but the emotional exhaustion was coming over her.
“I don’t know. My mind’s been full of you – full of thoughts of you doing intimate things with strangers. And I don’t even know what you’re doing – I can’t remember much of my past life, I might have been worse than this but when I think of you with another, my body just turns cold; my chest just feels tight and I can’t breathe.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Samar asked; her voice silk-soft.
“I don’t know. I’m confused with my thoughts, my feelings. They are everywhere; I can’t seem to contain them. I shouldn’t care about what you do; I know nothing of you – you’re still a stranger to me and yet even then, my heart simply doesn’t seem to comprehend what my mind is trying to tell it. From the moment I saw you, I’ve been lost. It’s been chaotic inside of my head; I can’t seem to find my peace.”
Samar stared at her, taken aback at her confession, wondering where all of that came from. She was lying to herself; she knew it. She had seen the look on Anna’s face from the moment they met yet she knew that the possibility of what Anna wanted was none. There was no possibility whatsoever. It was impossible, and out of the question.
“What Iman said was true,” Samar said as she crouched in front of Anna. “You can have sex with another person even if there’s no love. You can be intimate with someone without opening your heart. That’s what we do here; we sell intimacy, we sell sex, we sell our bodies in exchange for money, not for love. Love doesn’t exist here.”
Taking in Anna’s swelling and puffy eyes and runny nose, Samar felt a stirring of pity and guilt deep inside of her. She should have stopped Anna before she gave her feelings a more concrete reason to exist.
“We’re used to selling ourselves, our services so much that most of us are quite good at faking it. We might seem like we’re enjoying ourselves; we might say things that make it sound as if no one else had made us feel that way before but in actual reality, most often than none, we do not mean a single thing that we say to our clients. The same goes for me.”
Sighing deeply, she continued, “Anna, whatever you may feel about me is because you’re feeling grateful to me. I’m probably the only person that had shown you kindness during your time on the streets and so you latched onto me. You would probably feel the same if you had met Thea or Iman instead of me and was treated the same way by them.”
Anna suddenly leaned forward and grabbed hold of Samar’s shoulders. Taken by surprise, Samar was stunned when Anna suddenly pressed her lips onto hers.
It wasn’t like Iman’s; Samar’s lips felt soft and warm against hers and it didn’t fill her with dread and a kind of sickness that was heavy on her belly. All she felt was warmth and giddiness; all she felt was a kind of happiness.
Samar tasted the salt from Anna’s tears and felt the nerves from Anna crossing over to her. Samar knew Anna was afraid and that the act that she had suddenly initiated was quite frightening from Anna’s perspective. It was also obvious that Anna didn’t know what she was supposed to do; she was merely pressing and brushing her lips against Samar’s yet even with just that, Samar could feel the pull and push of Anna’s desperate emotions against her. It was as if she was caught in the beginning of a storm and for a fleeting moment, Samar knew she had to decide if she wanted to run and find shelter or if she wanted to meet the storm head on and be drenched by it.
Anna pulled herself back, wondering how Samar would react. Has she crossed the line once too much this time around?
Samar’s eyes were cloudy, unreadable. Anna felt a slight panic working its way up her throat.
“No, that’s not how you do it,” Samar said and pulled her back for more, taking the lead this time around.
Guiding her by tilting her head to the side, Samar brushed Anna’s lips slowly, her eyes locked on hers, watching her reaction as she moved softly across Anna’s velvet lips. Watching the faint pink flush make its way onto her cheeks, Samar opened her lips; her tongue sliding out slowly, licking Anna’s lips, coaxing them to let her in. Confused with what was going on yet feeling delirious and light-headed, Anna parted her lips.
Feeling Samar’s tongue in her mouth felt wrong yet the quickening of her pulse and the giddiness of her head made her forget and unable to think coherently. How could she, when her body feels like it was being assaulted by high-voltage of electricity the moment their tongues met? Samar’s tongue was circling hers, entangling together as she slowly sucked on hers. Her ears were ringing; her lungs clogged; breathing in just felt so difficult at the moment.
A soft moan escaped from her.
Samar was still crouching in front of her yet her hands held Anna’s face in them gently; tilting her still as her mouth moved sensually across hers. Slowly, one hand slid into her hair, grabbing hold of her locks tightly as Samar moved roughly on her, bringing her body close to hers. She almost brought Anna down onto her when she heard Anna moaned, barely managing to check herself before slowly and hastily ending the kiss, not wanting to take it any further.
She wanted more, Samar realised with horror. Good lord, she wanted more of her; she wanted to go further with her.
“I might not know what I’m feeling but I do know it’s not out of gratefulness. It began minutes before you showed kindness to me, so please; please tell me you weren’t faking it a few moments ago with me.”
Samar stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to lie yet unable to speak the truth as well as she faced a pleading, sobbing Anna.