Recently, I find myself disturbed by the fallacy of people around me. While I do understand that certain ideology is impossible and is both hard to live up with and maintained at the same time in a cynical world such as ours, I find myself repulsed by the fact that every action that a person does for another seems to hinge on the ‘return of favour’ that they’re hoping to get someday. It’s as if no one does something for someone else on the notion of being kind or simply helpful.
The fact that most of the people around me seem to be in a falling or failing relationship saddens me even more. I have a small group of friends and the relationship that these people have with their significant other is usually one that has been there for a long time now. I used to look at them and believed that fairy tales exist, as their relationship lasted despite the odds yet now…
The fact that their breakup happened over the most trivial things often left me feeling dumbfounded. When it is just one couple, I could understand but when the numbers start to increase, it makes me wonder if there’s something going on out there that these couples seem to be missing.
This, however, strengthens my belief that love ultimately is what keeps a relationship going.
It’s not as if I’m saying my friends were not in love with their significant other; they were. Yet once the initial honeymoon stages were over, life took over and the will of living together happily ever after with their lover/spouse was tied up to the need of having materialistic possessions and recognition from others. It’s a bit sad to see the butterflies that they had for each other being easily replaced this way.
To have a successful relationship with another, I believe each person should have :
- Love for their partner.
- Loyalty and faithfulness.
- Kindness and compassion.
- An education
Some would say that they would also want their partners to be attractive – which is something most people out there would want as well. However, with time, beauty and appearances fade. It is difficult to want something that changes within time as that would mean, when our partners’ beauty or appearances fade (maybe they start developing a pouch or overall mass), our affection and love for them would fade too. And this is when people start to think of finding another, cheating or divorce.
Having all those five points above will also ensure stability in the relationship. Someone who loves their partner would also be loyal and faithful to their partner. And someone who has kindness and compassion would have a lifelong impact, as we are living in an unkind world and so, rather than waiting for kindness from another, what better way is there than to show kindness first to another?
My friends and their partners seem to have forgotten all of the traits of their significant other that made them fall in love with each other in the first place. They seem to have forgotten why they pursued this person, why is this person the one they wished to build a future with. When the pressure from society began to mount on them, they began wanting more.
A bigger house, a higher pay, a more attractive spouse, a flashier car, a luxury life.
While I’m not saying that wanting all of these is wrong, however, putting the blame of not achieving any of this on your partner is indeed wrong.
If we want to have diamonds, we should be working hard on trying to acquire it ourselves instead on pressuring our partners to purchase it for us. We shouldn’t find someone to complete our shortcomings, or fulfill what we lack. We should find someone who we are comfortable with, despite their shortcomings and weaknesses.
All the articles online showing a list of ten things seems to be utter garbage – not everyone can relate to such articles nor apply it in their lives. Everyone are leading different lives, ultimately only we know what we want and from who we want that. I’m not saying we should lower our expectations; I’m saying we should be reasonable in our expectations.
If we expect our partner to provide what we want, then they would expect the same thing too. That is logical isn’t it? Well then, what if our partner wants to be polygamous? Would you be willing to allow it – since it is what he wants and he expects us to provide what he wants as well since he is providing what we want?
Some might say my argument seem weak yet when problems arise and the relationship is falling apart, no one has time to think academically and give answers and solutions like an academician. We would be talking and thinking with our feelings and in most cases, people are not open to being polygamous. The notion of “my partner belongs only to me” is something that is accepted widespread. Those who accept otherwise do exist as well but quite little in number.
As a student of human behavior, seeing such a display when it comes to love dampens my spirits, makes me want to give up on humanity. And yet, something often stops me in my tracks. Having a conversation with a friend before, she noted how she had given up on believing in the human race and how she now only wishes to spend time with animals instead. While I wouldn’t say I support her decision, I can’t blame her as well. As introverts, we are often closed up in our shells but that’s not to say we do not love being with others; it’s just that we need a time out from others time to time. And when we come across a race of people behaving such, we tend to give up on them, we tend to think why bother.
Adultery and infidelity a something that seems to be common these days, to an extent that there are some friends who don’t seem to really mind being with their partners even though they were cheated on. The reason that these friends of mine usually give me are either because they are comfortable with him and the security he provides or because they have been with him for such a long time that breaking up would seem like a failure, a total embarrassment.
It makes me wonder, is the feeling of being a failure, of an embarrassment is so magnanimous that they are willing to sacrifice happiness and love? While I do understand love and happiness would not put food on the table or provide a roof over our heads, what happens then when we are old? Wouldn’t we feel alone and unhappy then? What kind of life we will be living then – especially if we have children with this person? Wouldn’t that be unfair to the kids – bringing them into the world, into such an unhappy family, ultimately condemning them to a life of unhappiness as well?
There seems to be a widespread belief as well that family and kids would change a person, would make them see the err of their ways. The problem in this belief is that it rarely happens. A person would need to want to change themselves; no one else could change you unless you want to change. If that person doesn’t seem to realize that they have issues that need sorting out, then the change would not happen. A change that happened because of external reasons and not because of wanting it will make the change redundant. No lessons would be learned then.
Yet writing all of this now makes me realize the errors of my own ways. Coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be living alone in the future doesn’t change the fact that I wish to be surrounded with love still. Yet seeing the way things are progressing around me, I doubt people will understand the impact of love in one’s life fully..